Diddy, here.
After taking a couple of days off, I thought it was about time I weighed in on weigh-ins. I was completely prepared to talk about New Year's resolutions and my usual weight loss commitment (or lack of ) with my latest exhibit of dietary management. Coupling that with a promise to stay on the program long enough to insure that my waistline doesn't bulge any further than it already has, I began sorting out my thoughts for the posting.
At about this point, I heard something unfamiliar. "Crack," "Slurp," "Crackle," "Burp." I went immediately to investigate. If I found what I thought I was going to find, (Jane getting into the garbage,) I would have to stop her from proceeding and write a report which I would present to Mum upon her arrival back home from her day's business in town. However, to my great disappointment, I found that it was indeed not Jane, but rather Kahn. I truly thought that this time I would have enough evidence to bring about a Courts-Martial for Jane. But, it simply wasn't meant to be. Kahn had gotten into Mum's eggs.
Mum keeps her eggs on the kitchen counter. She uses enough of them regularly that they keep Pops hopping, running out to the mini-farm, to see about the "girls" and make sure that they have plenty of water and food. Pops barters with the girls trading the eats and drinks for their fine eggs. Pops has on many an occasion touted just how tasty the girl's eggs are. Mum likes going out to the mini-farm with Pops when she can to personally congratulate the girls on such fine production.
So, here we are. Mum gone. Jane nowhere to be seen... and Kahn with egg on his face! I simply cannot convey the dumfounded look of... let's see... what's the phrase used here in the deep south... Oh yes! "The Deer in the Headlights Look!" To put it plain and simply, he was quite surprised to see me looking upon him while he was in the middle of committing this dastardly crime. Always on me feet, I quickly grabbed me cell phone and snapped a picture of Egg Head Kahn. Now, I will not post this photo, because Pops sometimes looks at me blog and he might see the eggs on Kahn's face and began an internal inquiry. Pops never reads the blog, (I'm not sure he can read,) but he enjoys looking at the pictures. Mum says this goes way back to when Pops was a little boy. He used to like comic books, because they had a lot of pictures. Poor Pops! SO, I'm not going to show the photo. I'm going to hold it over Kahn's head, and blackmail him.
Now, Kahn thought for a few seconds, (big mistake on his part.) He started to clean up his mess. But, I saw a decent opportunity for a rather nice snack. So, I egged him on!
And on he went.
Surely, Kahn left egg pieces and whole eggs all over the place. So, finding a snack for me wasn't that difficult, and SNACK I DID!
There is something that everyone who reads this needs to understand. One of Kahn's many nicknames given him by Mum and Pops is "bucket lips." The reason for this is that Kahn's lips are huge. He holds food in there for hours at a time, so that he can savor it longer. I realize this may seem a bit odd, but it's who he is, for better or worse. The worse end of it is that sometimes, Kahn gets tickled or gets an itch and he begins to shake those bucket lips and the contents just go flying everywhere. Don't be standing too close when he does this or you will likely be wearing this morning's breakfast!
Now, Kahn is running around eating eggs everywhere, leaving all kinds of messes. Then, the unthinkable happens. Little pieces of eggshell get into his mouth and began to scratch his gums and tickle his tongue (his description, not mine). It is precisely this action that starts the bucket lip clearing out shaking session. Eggs were now flying everywhere... on the walls, the stove, the refrigerator, all over the doors, on the rugs, the couch, the chairs, even the light fixtures hanging above!
As if that weren't enough, Kahn decides that he needs to wipe his lips and starts digging out paper towels out of the trash and shredding them all over the place. This is where I made my exit. Snack or no snack, I was pretty sure I heard Mum's FJ roll up and this one was not going to get pinned on me.
So, I told Kahn, to just lay in the middle of it and try to look as innocent as he could. I quickly hid out upstairs, but within listening range.
Well, let's just say, that I heard Mum say something that I haven't heard her say too many times. She was talking to Pops on the phone, when I think I heard her say something like " I was so mad, I could have killed Kahn, and just told God that he went away!" I know I heard Pops laughing on the other end, Well, I truly thought I was totally in the clear on this one. But, you know, sometimes fate just has a nifty little way of putting you in your place. Mum came up to me and just when I thought she was going to give me a hug, she reached behind me ear and pulled out a piece of eggshell! "Diddy" she said, "I have great difficulty believing that you didn't have anything to do with this." And with that, she made me give up Pop's credit cards, and cell phone, as well as the keys to my vehicles. I'm grounded!
So, Let this be a lesson for you all, Don't get too eggcited if find yourself in the middle of a Kahn-numdrum!
Take care!
Diddy out.
CORGI!
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